I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
