so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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