I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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