How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
