Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
