This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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