we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
