it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
