Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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