Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
