i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
