I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
