made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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