I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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