I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
