even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
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