On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Houston, we have a blender
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
