DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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