I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
