Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
