honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We just shotgunned beers for America
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
