I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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