so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
