Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
