I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
