Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize