maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
