i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
