my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
