And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize