so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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