Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
