we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
