woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
