I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
