His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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