did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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