he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
