when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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