That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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