I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
