just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
