she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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