I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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