No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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