I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize