I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
