let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
