Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
