ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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