woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
