just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
