are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
COCAINE IS GR8
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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