Porn is love you can see.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
