If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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