if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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