from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
