his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
