So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
