remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
