Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
