Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
