I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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