Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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