Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
