I think I am morally bankrupt
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize