you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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